


Gaius' Journey

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Other, i guess this is au too??? dont think too hard about it, jokefic, late night not-at-all serious writing. please do not take this seriously oh god, this can only loosely be considered fic tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 19:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4403627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>chrom needs a favor. vaike dies. sully is ready to fight. gaius tries to fuck a cake. these may or may not be related incidents</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gaius' Journey

chrom looked around the room, searching for a particular fucker

“gaius, oh gaius why the fuck are you gaius” miriel looked @ him distastefully. improper use of shakespeare. the sapiosexuals would not approve

“idk where he is” lon’qu said, shrugging

“gaius, more like _gay_ -us amirite????” vaike forcefully high-fived an uncomfortable-looking stahl.

suddenly vaike had a heart attack. “oh gosh im dying” he yodeled softly. kellam started crying quietly in the corner

“that’s what yuo get motherfucker” gaius said, appearing in a downpour of candy from the ceiling

“bruh you didn’t do shit it was just the multitudes of raw meat he ate” Sully said.

“shit the up kid you don’t know fuck” gaius motioned violently with a lollipop

sully was ready to fight gaius but sumia held her back

“guys… guys stop” chrom intervened before sumias strength gave out

“gaius u need to go and pick up this order from the drugstore down the road. yeah” chrom finished his announcement and did a pirouette out of the room

***

gaius tried to get the proper things but the baker’s window kept distracting him. all of those pastries, lined up and beckoning to his stomach. also his dick

he’s wanted to fuck the cake for a long time now but common sense said “hey maybe u shouldn’t do that in public places with a goddamn cake you fucking weirdo”

now there wasnt anyone in the bakery though. gaius snuck in and tried to fuckt he cake when suddenly !!!

“THAT’S MY CAKE U FUCKING CREEP” the baker was actually there

“my cake now” gaius grinned

the baker called the cops. gaius was arrested

***

gaius did not have a fun time in jail. there are no sweets in prison

sully and sumia walked up to the jail cell where he was being held.

“you fucking idiot that’s the fifth time this month” sully said. sumia shook her head disapprovingly

“I thought the cake wouldn’t betray me” gaius shed a tear for his fallen cake

“shut up and get out, we paid your bail” sully shoved the door open. it was never actually locked

lon’qu stood in the corner questioning why he even came. he also wondered what happened to all of those violated cakes

chrom cried when they got back to the apartment. he never got the dildo he wanted for his birthday

 

THE END

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is what happens when you try to write a jokefic at 2 am. this is what happens


End file.
